All reviews - Movies (22) - DVDs (11) - Books (3)

Nightmare: 30th Anniversary Edition review

Posted : 5 months, 3 weeks ago on 5 August 2011 03:23 (A review of Nightmare: 30th Anniversary Edition)

The eventual release of a long-anticipated movie leaves a taste of confusion. For a title a lot of fans have been urging for, for years, the release leaves a sort of weird feeling. I think frustration was not a one-way deal. The giving label Code Red did receive quite a lot of unnecessary shit during the years-in-waiting. I think this overall atmosphere did have an impact on how they saw the project; instead of overwhelming expectation, I sense a slight dose of frustration; for instance, why have the impressive Romano Scavolini interview without subtitles? One could write a 1000-page book on the developments of the project. At times, it even seemed an unprobability. Therefore, I am so happy that the release actually took place! It happened.

In fact, a lot of the confusion is due to the fact, that the viewer is not sure which is the beef. I mean, on the two discs we get three different versions of the film. Perhaps it would have been a good idea to explain these versions a little. For me, at least, it is not that clear. We get a director approved telecine-version, a ”Hi-Def” 1.78:1 ”created from the two best 35mm prints”, and finally on the 2nd disc, which in fact is a DVD-R – another source for confusion, a pirate-looking official disc?? - we get to see a ”brand new 2011 telecine 1.78:1 from a recently discovered slightly better 35mm print”...

I think what we need here is some sort of an explanation of the whole process. As I said, it must have been a distressing experience. Then, why not give the fans what they want – at least a history of that very frustration. It even seems, the label just had enough and threw up this brew of versions and incomplete extras – do what you want, we are fed up!! I hope I am wrong.

At least, the text on the cover is optimistic and positive: ”Many fans claim this will be the biggest selling horror film in the history of DVD!” That is great, and I must be among those optimistic souls, who predict the 100 thousand items will be sold out pretty shortly. So, Code Red, thank you for this absolute favour for the human race, and do not feel frustrated! It is just that those who have waited for so long will demand perfection. No-one demands perfection if you do not promise it many years prior to the actual release.

All in all, although a confused lot, this is a release to have. Although extra-wise it could have been much better, there is nothing better. The film itself is entirely a different story. In brief, I think the Halloween inspiration is just a background. The film has its own atmosphere, and although the gore f/x do look dated and clumsy, the boy actor axing away his father and his ”service” at the end is a classic I think never to be outdone! It is just not possible anymore to use child actors in creative – or in violent or sexual – roles.

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Feeling hammered?

Posted : 7 months, 3 weeks ago on 6 June 2011 02:47 (A review of Sledgehammer)

Wow! Just when I thought I had seen everything, along comes ... SLEDGEHAMMER! Behold! Warning! This is not for the meek of heart! The film, a horrendous cornucopia of shot-on-video embarrassment, technically inept, nevertheless does leave a good feeling to it after you have survived the experience. The score is dreadful, there is no acting, most of the VHS gimmicks (like endless slo-mo - c'mon how difficult can it be to lock that bloody door!) do not work, none of the crew would get passed any goddamn film studies course. As its best the "film" sucks, but HEY! You cannot underestimate SLEDGEHAMMER's merits, given its no-budget and limited VHS techs, some of the stuff is actually pretty good. And anyone who has seen let's say Andreas Schnaas' VIOLENT SHIT knows that there are ALWAYS worse "movies" around... Yes, the director is ashamed of SLEDGEHAMMER, but then again he IS David Prior, who gave the world some of the BEST trash films, such as DEADLY PREY, also starring his brother Ted... SLEDGEHAMMER is recommended to any true gore fan, at least you can appreciate the bloody murders, which are pretty gruesome in detail and the overall enthusiasm of the project. I think the dvd released by Intervision is pretty okay, although from an obvious VHS source. The extras are very OK, including a superb appraisal from the DESTROY ALL MOVIES!!! author Zack Carlson and an interview with the director himself, who thought it peculiar someone was still watching SLEDGEHAMMER...

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The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff review

Posted : 9 months, 2 weeks ago on 14 April 2011 02:54 (A review of The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff)

This is among the better Jess Franco pics. The storyline is in fact coherent and fastpaced, the acting of Mona Proust tremendous and the photography is atmospheric. The usual Franco-clichées are almost missing (don't take me wrong, I am a huge Francophile!). This is a different Franco film. Certainly among his best. The score is somewhat ludicrous though, it seems the tape is random, or at least picked by a feebleminded dj. It becomes most obvious in the end, when we get to hear the "happy note". All in all, a film worth seeing, even for people not that fond of "The Jesus Style".

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Today You Die review

Posted : 10 months ago on 30 March 2011 04:52 (A review of Today You Die)

The reasoning behind the 3 stars is this: Although the first hour of this movie is slightly sordid and talkative, the rest makes it even! Some of the violent scenes are among the best of mr SS. Also the ambiguous role (a guy who will kill the police and the scum as well) is not worn out! In fact, TODAY YOU DIE is among the pioneering films on this topic, at least to my knowing and remembrance! Hay Ho! Also, I must say I was delighted to see the "bird" (always a mulatto) staying alive - in fact, the show turned into Bonnie & Clyde soon enough! Recommended to all who appreciate Steven Seagal - others might find it healthy to avoid.....

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Assassination review

Posted : 10 months, 3 weeks ago on 7 March 2011 01:54 (A review of Assassination)

Quite slow-paced action-wise as well as plot-wise. However, the chemistry between the three outstanding main characters works pretty well, but the film seems to slow down little by little like the train our fellows travel in... And I cannot believe someone utilising a machine gun riding a water scooter can actually miss!!!! And where did he put that gun in the first place: "lemme see, my wet suit, my machine gun..."

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The Warrior and the Sorceress review

Posted : 11 months ago on 2 March 2011 02:42 (A review of The Warrior and the Sorceress)

I think it is not fair to criticise any barbarian movies, but - give me a break - this pile stinks! David Carradine is pretty ok, as always, and Maria Socas tries to avoid the tedium well with her topless passivity, but the film just is not interesting enough. Too bad...

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Barbarian Queen review

Posted : 11 months ago on 2 March 2011 02:37 (A review of Barbarian Queen)

A good dose of barbarian smut! Especially after suffering through the tedious Warrior and the Sorceress this in fact seemed pretty good! It is a feminist barbarian movie yet with loads of tits! In fact, there are not many such films, perhaps with the exception of the truly excellent LOST EMPIRE. I don't much know about the plot - I think there was a burning village in the beginning etc. The usual clichees. But the sword fights look tight enough and as I said a kick-ass film yet with boobs... Can't be bad! What about the sequel????? Dear lord...

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Epic Movie review

Posted : 11 months ago on 2 March 2011 02:32 (A review of Epic Movie)

I know most people hate this turd of a movie, and I am not saying it deserves an Oscar nomination either, but at least some of the spoofs do hit the nail. However, compared to the previous DATE MOVIE, movie-wise this is a disaster. I think in parodies such as this it would be a better idea to widen the horizon than to stick with some chosen subplot, this time the Narnia, which I must say is not that much of fun actually. It becomes tedious quite soon, especially when the viewer realizes, the epic adventure is about to be lost. I think some of the spoofs work fine, and the actors, at least some of them are pretty funny. I especially liked the Pirates of the Caribbean music video, the character illumination as Jack Swallows ("Doesn't that sound kinda gay?") and the X-men, especially Carmen Electra hits the spot in this role. However, a movie much despised, yet I do not hate it entirely. Perhaps with a little bit of wit it would have been much better (do NOT stick with a plot, it NEVER works in these sorts of films!)

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Filthy, Rich & Catflap: The Complete Series One [Region 2] review

Posted : 11 months, 1 week ago on 23 February 2011 02:37 (A review of Filthy, Rich & Catflap: The Complete Series One [Region 2])

"For contractual reasons certain edits have been made." Thus, deleting some songs. Otherwise, it is refreshing that the BBC have a sense of humour enough to permit such outrage on their estab! A series of only one season and 6 eps, this is essential viewing for all fans of Rik & Ade. Also the role of Nigel Planer as the showbiz agent Ralph Filthy is excellent. The dynamics of the show actually get better all the way through the eps and it's pretty well scripted throughout.

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Emanuelle Around the World review

Posted : 11 months, 3 weeks ago on 10 February 2011 02:58 (A review of Emanuelle Around the World)

The 'XXX European Version' actually makes this movie bearable. Packed with utter filth, it leaves even the most sordid Euro fan feeling untidy. The film itself is pretty useless, one of the most unnecessary Emanuelle episodes. It just doesn't make much sense. The score by Nico Fidenco does, however. Anyway, directed by Joe D'Amato, so basic viewing!

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Peter Cushing, Soledad Miranda, Linnea Quigley, Yvonne Romain, Patrick McGoohan, Valerie Leon, Steven Seagal, Oliver Reed, Criswell, Sylvester Stallone, Christy Hartburg, Catherine Deneuve, Lana Wood, Sybil Danning, Ewa Aulin, Dana Gillespie, Max Schreck, Keira Knightley, Dolph Lundgren, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Christopher Lee, Pam Grier, Julie Ege, Ioan Gruffudd, Glynis Barber, Victoria Vetri, Lorna Maitland, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Basil Rathbone, Tura Satana, Darlene Grey, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Lon Chaney, Vampira, Linda Hayden, Dyanne Thorne, Traci Lords, Magda Konopka, Debora Caprioglio, Olga Schoberová, Marie Devereux, Madeline Smith, Jayne Mansfield, Chesty Morgan, Domenica Niehoff, Simone Simon, Lydia Lunch, Samantha Fox, Geri Halliwell, Linda Blair, Margaret Nolan, Julie Adams, Susan Sarandon, Ann Marie, Rik Mayall, Adrian Edmondson, Kimberly McArthur, Emily Deschanel, Juliette Cummins, Charles Bronson, Cassandra Peterson, Cynthia Myers, Richard O'Brien, Evelyne Kraft, Chuck Norris, Asia Argento, Deborah Caprioglio, Anulka Dziubinska, Vincent Price, Gary Oldman, Ingrid Pitt, Ania Pieroni, Ewa Strömberg, Weng Weng, Emmy Rossum, Charles Gray, Jean-Louis Trintignant, Lori Williams, Haji, Peter O'Brian, Katja Bienert, Connie Mason, Patricia Arquette, Maggie Kimberly, Serena Grandi, Jim Morrison, Robby the Robot, Barbara Bouchet, Jennifer Saunders, Ed Parker, Nina Dobrev, Erika Blanc, Tanya Roberts, Adam West, Trine Michelsen, Lana Clarkson, George Eastman, Heidy Bohlen, Lee Meriwether

Bruno Mattei, Jesus Franco, Jean Rollin, Lucio Fulci, Terence Fisher, Dario Argento, Freddie Francis, Joe D'Amato, Jimmy Sangster, Al Adamson, Edward D. Wood Jr., David Lynch, Jim Wynorski, Frank Henenlotter

Witchfinder General, Misfits, Black Widow, Black Sabbath, Laura Pausini, Cycle Sluts from Hell, The Lunachicks, Hawkwind, Roky Erickson, Goblin, Sabrina, Avril Lavigne, Theatres Des Vampires, Iron Maiden, Spice Girls, Claudio Simonetti, Antony and the Johnsons, Regina Spektor, Pink Floyd, Manowar, Satyricon, Curtis Mayfield, Hagalaz' Runedance, Lydia Lunch, Jim Morrison, Carcass, Vanity 6, Ozzy Osbourne, Propagandhi, Kelly Clarkson, Charles Manson, Kingston Wall, Coven, Led Zeppelin, Emma Rugg, Twisted Sister, Renaissance, Curved Air

Arthur Machen, August Strindberg, H.P. Lovecraft, Charles Baudelaire, John Milton, C.S. Forester, Goethe, Aleister Crowley, Edgar Allan Poe, Oscar Wilde, Peter Ackroyd, Gerald Suster, Comte Lautreamont, Joris-Karl Huysmans, Charles Bukowski, Philip K. Dick, Leilah Wendell, Robert Louis Stevenson, Aubrey Beardsley, Louise Huebner, Friedrich Nietzsche, Austin Osman Spare, William Blake